Listening to My Internal GPS

Marginalizing the worries, indifferences, and exasperated my life as it is being transformed; I am devoted to improving, educating and self love. Stronger each day than the day before, the past was my stepping stone to this day and its adrenaline inspires and conquers anything I fear. Searching, and knowing that the teacher is out there. Abundant, incredible desires that I have, want and need are all there for me, waiting for me. Refusing to listen to the deception of my own lies that have controlled and manipulated me, pulling me down, unable to breathe, coming up for short breathes and then pulled down again. I have survived. Stronger, smarter and ready to follow the path, I am making.

Years of listening to others rules, happy with the crumbs left for me. Thinking about what is really important; I need to take my life in my hands. Massaging in the love, inspired by new rules, new beliefs I am satisfied, satisfied that I am growing, leading silently right now. The goal is to be independent of what others think, bolder in my thoughts, speech and goals, believing in myself.

Questioning the rules, knowing what intuitively I feel is true and right for me. Like a rush, surging thru me intense uber knowing. Deciding to be my best friend, physically and mentally creating boundaries, I never knew I could create or conceive I could do for myself. I am giving myself permission to say no, no to the anger, hurt and lies, no to the death of myself for others to walk over, no to the silence that separates, no to this dis-ease that eats away at my soul. I have found my voice; I am standing up for myself, trusting myself. 

I flow inward, to the ultimate version of self. My masks are thrown down, forgiving and believing myself, a refreshing surrender. I am enough.  Blossoming, forward, upward I am here today, following the light in me. Tomorrow I will be one step closer to my goals. If I digress to my old thoughts and habits I will remember to be gentle knowing that I am on my path and there will be stones, that I would of stumbled over before and may be in my way but I will walk over them, creating me to be stronger and ready for whatever is in front of me. 

Anchored by my faith, my direction shines in front of me by the creator guiding my internal GPS. Taking different trails we end up at the same destination; I will listen to my dreams, feeling the power that radiates within and shine.

I See a Reflection of Myself

I see a reflection of myself and I wonder who this woman is? Where did she come from? How could I have let this happen? Why? Is there hope, can I start again? I am afraid of my mind, my body, my life.Where do I start? Can I start?

Others have gone their whole life and nothing changes, I’m sure they want things better and have asked the same questions.Some seem to just take a different path and it is like a wand has been woven and their lives have been transformed. Where is that want I want it, I need it. 

The answers are here somewhere in me.  I know it. The key that opens my mind, my soul to be the best I can be has to be turned. Can I do it? Am I strong enough? Do I have the right key? I need to ask myself some hard questions, or am I going to stay here just a shell of myself. Can I break it open and find the diamond in me? What is keeping me down? Why am I scared? 

I’m at a period in my life when I can see the disappointment in my children’s eyes. They must wonder and I know they do because they have told me and asked Why, why do I put up with it

My daughter mostly, I know if I saw her go through the same struggles I would ask her the same thing. Now I can see she is asking the same questions as a mother. How much is she willing to put up with? A lot less then I have. I am proud of this strong woman.